Ha-ma-kom y’na-chem

On the morning of Sunday, March 13, with about 20 people gathered around the table in the Salzberg Library, Debra Rosenman led a learning session on How to Comfort the Mourner. As someone commented at the close of the lively discussion that developed around this topic, she taught us much about how to be a mourner, too.


Debra began with the textual source of shivah. When Job was mourning for his family, three visitors came and sat with him in silence for seven days and nights. The theme of silence was one she returned to frequently. She emphasized the importance of being present for the mourner in a way that does not draw attention to oneself – “it’s not about you”. She offerred some “do’s and don’ts” to guide us in the shivah house where the rules of normal social intercourse do not apply: do not make a grand entrance/exit; do not greet other visitors who may be present; be guided by the mourner’s choice to speak or not speak. Shivah can be exhausting for the mourner. Silence can be helpful. Visiting during the day rather than at minyan times can offer the chance for quiet support without distractions.

A related discussion developed around food. Many feel it necessary to bring food to shivah – that to arrive empty-handed is wrong, and that it should be something sweet. Debra countered this notion: the only thing you bring to shivah is yourself. Food can be burdensome to the mourner, which was echoed by some around the table. ( Check first with someone close to the mourner about food needs before making any assumptions. In fact, the need may be greater once shivah has concluded.)

While acknowledging that every situation is different, and that paying a shivah call requires us to be sensitive to the emotional environment and psychological realities we encouter, Debra advised that we can – if we feel comfortable doing so – teach the mourner that she does not need to offer food or introduce us to others present, ie, to play the social role of host. In this spirit, Debra taught us the only prescribed speech that tradition assigns to the visitor: Ha-ma-kom y’na-chem et-chem b’toch sh’ar a-veil-lei Tzi-yon virusha-la-yim, May God’s Presence comfort you among all the moruners for Zion and Jerusalem. She encouraged learning and developing comfort in saying it. Putting it in context first (“I would like to offer you the saying that people have used for hundreds of years when leaving the house of mourning”) can make it easier for us to say and for a mourner who is not familiar with it to hear. This teaching, like so much that Debra gave us, opened a window on the true meaning and comfort of shivah.

Pledge 25: All Ages Participate!

Dear Pledge 25:
I heard about the Pledge 25 program (for Rabbi Fishman) and I wanted to participate in this.

One day at recess I saw my friends talking. So I went over to them and it turns out they were talking about helping Haiti and helping Haiti is a very good way to fill in my 25 hours to pledge 25. So I said “I can help you.” They said “yes we need help.” So at lunch we talked about it.

Joey Shoyer (one of the friends) said we should do a raffle. I said we should do a guessing sort of thing. Ethan Jack (another friend) said we should put a bunch of M&Ms in a jar so I said, “I will buy the jar, I will buy the M&Ms, I will ask permission from the principle.” So basically the project was then under my control. I was the leader, which put a bit of pressure on me. Then the next day I was told by my teacher that I could only do my project with the 3rd and 4th grades so I was a bit upset, but it was for the best. I was also told that only my class could do this, which meant that Joey and Ethan would not be able to participate in my project but I still want to give them credit for their help last week.

My project started when I went to the 3rd grade during my recess and their lunch. I went to the 4th grade during my lunch. I thought I would raise about $50, but I got $200! How crazy is that?

I am donating all of the money to Haiti; specifically the American Jewish World Service because I like that the American Jewish World Service gives the money directly to Haiti unlike Doctors without Borders. They give to anybody in need which is a great deed, don’t get me wrong, but not what I wanted to do.

I am very proud of this project because I was a leader (with many helpers including Joey, Ethan and my class). I was a leader of fundraiser that raised $200 for the Haitian people.

Jonathan Israel, 4th Grade

Schulman Slays 'Em

Ohr Kodesh jokemeister supreme, Phil Schulman, had them rolling in the aisles on Tuesday, March 2 for his one-night-only Pledge 25 offering, “What Do You Mean You Can’t Tell A Joke?”

Phil told the packed chapel crowd, “If you came here humorously challenged, you will leave here humorously challenged!” However, he said, “If you follow these ideas, at least you’ll tell a joke better than when you came in.”

“Being funny is a God-given talent,” Phil explained. "It's all in the genes." Responding to some good-natured heckling from the audience, he retorted, “We may not all be funny, but everyone thinks he’s a comedian.”




Phil added to the Pledge 25 theme of study by offering an opportunity for "text study." A copy is at this link: https://docs.google.com/fileview?id=0B-Cb3y82429bNmRkOGRhODItYTkzZC00Y2NlLTljMTUtNzE5ZDU0MDNhZDA4&hl=en


Phil illustrated each of his points with a joke, ranging from amusing to hysterical to rolling-on-the floor, please-make-him-stop funny. There was, of course, a “serious” side to Phil, as he explained the keys to telling a joke: the set up, the anticipation, and the punch line. Or, a beginning (“how many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?”), a middle (“one”), and an end (“but it takes a long time, and the light bulb has to really want to change!”). He explained that telling a joke is like a magic trick – it all depends on misdirection.

Before offering his "Top Ten Do’s and Don’ts" for telling a joke successfully, he invited audience members to offer their own efforts. All (well, most) were at least in the “amusing” category!

      

Phil explained that “Telling jokes well is important, because people love to laugh, and they love people who make them laugh.” We love you, Phil, for making us laugh.

Commenters to the posting are asked to leave a joke to share!